


Too Bad Danny Doesn't Like Pineapples

by brOBGYN



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 23:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brOBGYN/pseuds/brOBGYN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You certainly thought I was okay last night!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Bad Danny Doesn't Like Pineapples

**Author's Note:**

> This one is dedicated to my muse, that flightly and ephemeral creature, so often flitting away, not telling me where she went, thank god she returned. I don't know what I'd do without her, and I know my fans appreciate her reappearance as well.

She flopped back on the overstuffed goose down pillow, breath rushing in and out of her lungs like she'd just run a marathon on a hot (really hot - at least 95 degrees), muggy day. "Holy shit, Danny. I think... I think I had an orgasm... while I was having... an orgasm." She gulped huge breaths, breasts heaving as her words tumbled from her lips.

His muffled response drifted up from between her legs and she realized she had them clamped around his head in a hold almost exactly like the one she'd seen Peter locked in during his MMA fight (and the guys still tried to claim MMA wasn't erotic...). She willed her muscles to relax and released Danny from his thunderthigh prison. He came up red in the face, a self satisfied smile spreading across his face, his familiar lopsided expression totally smug. He crawled up the bed to flop down beside her, raising his arms over his head as he drew in a couple deep breaths. "Like that, do you? I knew you would."

He tried to draw her into his arms, but she wiggled free. "Oh, no you don't. This is a competition, and I'm going to win it. Besides, what kind of girl would I be if I didn't return the favor?"

He smirked, relishing the feel of her hands on his thighs as she moved to kneel between his legs. She dragged her nails lightly through the sprinkling of hair there. He shivered involuntarily. "You'd be a liar, Min. Since you literally said, through a few panting moans, 'Go down on me Danny, and I'll go down on you after. I promise.'" He laughed as he impersonated her, his voice pitched cartoonishly high, faking breathlessness. "So yeah. You promised." His smiled widened even further, this time making his eyes crinkle slightly as he watched her.

"Wipe that shit eating grin off your face, Castellano. You'll see that this is not a game you'll win." She narrowed her eyes at him, a look of determination spreading across her face.

He let out a chuckle. "That is _not_ what I was eating, if you recall." He raised an eyebrow. "Although, if you're into that..." He trailed off, seeing her blush, the pink tint almost unnoticeable beneath her natural skin tone.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. That's a question for another time. Right now I'm gonna go to town on your dick and you're going to black out from the pleasure." Her right hand darted forward and grasped the root of his penis with the swiftness of a tom cat pouncing on its prey.

His mouth dropped open in surprise. "Careful, Min, it's my hog, not a tube of toothpaste, you don't need to squeeze it so hard."

She loosened her grip slightly, working her hand up and down as she looked down at him in thought, a wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows. She continued to manually pump the firm muscle as she spoke in a matter of fact tone, her competitive spirit momentarily forgotten. "Have you ever thought about adult circumcision, Danny?"

He groaned as she yanked a little too hard. "What?"

Curling her lip up a little, she continued. "It's just that foreskins are so gross looking. It's like a hotdog nestled in a flesh toned sock, and it's unhygienic. There's smegma or as Morgan likes to call it, formunda cheese." She shuddered as her rote movements still went on.

He was panting now, in spite of the discomfort caused by her tug job, he was still erect and aroused. "I don't have... It's... not.. Ugh, Mindy. You're a doctor. You..." He groaned, eyes squeezing shut as his head fell back against the headboard. He finished his sentence through clenched teeth. "You know it's perfectly fine."

She shrugged, her hand moving like a piston. "Whatever you say. I just don't enjoy having that little bald man in a turtleneck in or around my mouth."

He reached down and grasped her wrist. "Good lord, you're chafing me."

She leaned back, affronted, her breasts jiggling from the backward movement. "Exsqueeeeze me? My hands are so soft. The lotion I use costs over a hundred dollars an _ounce_!"

He let out a long breath. "We'll talk about how silly that is later, but right now, there just needs to be some lubrication, no matter how soft your hands are."

She smiled, leaning forward she hovered over him, her hair swinging down to brush the tops of his thighs. A thin string of saliva crept down the few inches between her mouth and the tip of his cock, beading on it before she swiped her thumb across it. "There."

"Do I need to adjust my expectations? Because this looks like a long and drawn out handy J and not the, and I quote, 'best blow job I've ever had in my life.' If that's the case, I think maybe I win this round."

She let out an indignant squeak, leaning down without preamble and engulfing him with her lips. Or at least she tried to, but the moment his glans reached the back of her throat her overactive gag reflex kicked in, causing her to choke as she sat back up. "Damn it."

He reached out, attempting to draw her to him and call a truce on the whole thing, but she shrugged him off, returning her attention to his throbbing penis like it was a differential equation to be solved. She took a deep breath and regrouped, this time approaching his engorged member with slightly more caution, eyes watering from the last go around.

This time she just took just the head past her lips, swirling her tongue around the urethral opening then dipping inside, lips providing ample suction at the tip, her fingers encircling the base where she squeezed intermittently.

His eyes drifted shut, enjoying the feel of the smooth musculature of her tongue pressing against his inflamed skin as she crept further down. His hands slipped into her hair, cradling her head as she bobbed up and down. He was so close to completion - he could feel His lower internal obliques tightening, his glutes contracting slightly. He knew he should tell her that he was about to cum, but when he opened his mouth the only thing that issued forth was a strangled groan. His hips bucked involuntarily, pressing further back into her throat, his hands holding her in place.

She gagged again, snorting out a cough before glaring at him. "What the hell, Danny? Quit trying to batter my glottis to death, unless you want me to puke all over your lap."

He shook his head, eyes glazed over. He couldn't argue with her, he just looked at her and then down at his dick, his face asking the question that he couldn't quite utter. She rolled her eyes. "Fine."

Taking a deep breath she dove back in, this time with a little more gusto, hoping to finish him off quickly. She was a little too aggressive, her teeth raking the skin along the top side, the bulging veins extra sensitive to the abrasion. He gritted his teeth, not willing to stop her and draw out this strange sex act any longer. He was so close to cumming.

For the second time he tried to tell her he was about to explode, even tugging at her ears slightly, but she was too focused to understand his meaning and just continued with her task, and at a certain point it was just too late. He cried out, bucking his hips as his cock spasmed in her throat, a steady, ropey, salty, sticky stream of viscous hot baby glue coating the roof of her mouth.

She quickly jumped back, a look of disgust on her face, the whitish liquid dribbling down her chin from the overflowing warm pool in her mouth before she started to spit it out all over him. But then she remembered her 1000 thread count egyptian cotton sheets, and decided maybe the bathroom sink was a better receptacle for Danny's thousands of unborn potential children (he's Catholic after all).

Danny yelped in pain when she tried to pull away, her wrist suddenly hampered by something. She looked down to see the tiny diamonds of her tennis bracelet tangled in the nest of pubic hair around his penis and testes. A sudden wave of irritation passing through her at his lack of manscaping, she glared at him, viciously yanking her hand away.

The springy black and gray pubes tore from their follicles and Danny let out a strangled curse as Mindy trotted to the bathroom. He followed close behind, catching her bent over the sink. He took a minute to contemplate the bare curve of her round ass (her earlier comment not forgotten) before he caught her attention. "Oh my God, Danny. I told you. I hate the taste of nut butter. What the hell, man?"

He looked at her, feeling like maybe he should apologize, but it was hard when she'd just torn half a dozen (at least, probably more) pubes directly from his scrotum. He opened his mouth, but snapped it shut before saying anything stupid.

She took that as a sign she should continue. "And what the hell is wrong with you? That tasted like week old pickled herring or something. Did you have asparagus for breakfast, lunch _and_ dinner? I think you need to see a doctor."

"Stop being so dramatic." Her brow furrowed, and she crossed her arms as she stared him down. He quickly tried to backtrack. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you. Won't happen again."

"You bet your ass it won't."

"Really. It's quite ok. We don't _ever_ have to do that again."

Her eyes grew wide, her mood shifting from angry to vulnerable in a flash. "You didn't like it?"

Suddenly there were tears welling in the sparkling depths of her eyes. Shit. His mouth bobbed open and closed uselessly because he didn't know what the hell to say. It was definitely the strangest head he'd ever received, lots of teeth, lots of gagging, no sweet feeling of suction as she swallowed his load.

She continued, this time wailing a little as she spoke. "You don't think I'm good with my mouth?" The tears began to pour down her face in earnest as she turned away from him. "I bet Christina was good with her mouth, and that hooker you went home with after the art show, and Sally, and Priscilla, and Amy. Oh God, I bet Amy was damn near on a pro-level. She looked like she'd had a lot of practice! I can't help it that I'm allergic to the taste of cock, Danny!"

He felt panic bubbling up in his chest. This was a situation he'd never dreamed he would ever be in, feeling himself quickly losing control of the situation. He reached forward, grasping her upper arms as he turned her back around. "Mindy, I'm not complaining. I swear." He drew her closer, rubbing comforting circles along the bare skin of her back. He swallowed, preparing himself for what he knew he needed to say next. "I loved it, ok. You could use some... practice and perhaps a gentler touch, but I loved it, because I love you."

He felt her relax in his arms, the tension flowing out of her muscles, her breasts flattening against his bare chest. "Really?"

He nodded, and she felt a smile tugging at her mouth. Raising up on her tip toes she moved to plant a wet kiss on him, but he pulled back slightly and used his thumb to wipe some of the custard-like, drying semen off of her chin. "Uh, you want to... brush your teeth first?"

Her mouth formed an outraged little 'Oh' and her eyes opened wide. "How dare you! This is your doing, you know." She pulled away abruptly, turning to grab her tooth brush. She popped it in her mouth, taking a few seconds to remove the bracelet on her right hand. She talked over the toothbrush in her mouth. "You can pick your disgustingly wiry man pubes out of my super expensive bracelet while I brush my teeth." She shoved it in his face, turning to look back in the mirror as she brushed her teeth.

He laughed, reaching for his tweezers. "Deal."


End file.
